I miss writing things.

Perhaps I shall start again.

Days like this. We used to drink snapples and eat bags of chips on the rooftop. We used to stare at the clouds and identify pictures. We would tease each other. Wonder what we should do next. Contemplate crazy plans of typical americana boyhood. Like building a tree house or a clubhouse. Figuring out how we could supe up a shopping cart into a tank equipped with a watercannon for our next watergun fight. Wondering how to get firecrackers and blow up G.I.Joes. Formulating plans on how to get past level 12. Tweaking our nerf guns for tactical efficiency and adding ergonomic grips and flashlights. Throwing the football around and playing 1v1 with me being official QB. Holding down Mitchell while Pate delivered an axe handle smash to his sternum off the top ropes. Watching him run home crying, hahaha. We didn't smell like cologne back then. We wreaked of sweat. We had scrapes and scratches all over our knees and elbows. We spoke of our bikes instead of cars. We carried bats to play baseball and not for beef. We would chase the ice cream truck on our bikes. We always went for pizza and stopped by the comic shop. On the way back we'd hit up the stationary store and the convenience store. We'd walk back with our comics, cards, and our paper bags full of candy. We'd chill in the garage and trade cards. Engage in debates over comic book characters. We'd catch ants and drop em into spider webs and watch nature at its best. We'd almost light the garage on fire when we got our hands on matches. Manhunt was team hunt. We played road rash on our bikes and tried to kick each other off, 3 hits and your out. Suicide handball. Paper airplane contests. We washed cars and squandered our profits on typical boy stuff. NES was our gf. Stains on our shirt. Mud on our sneakers. Grass stains on our jeans.

Back then I was JJBANG21.

Fuck it, I dont like my previous entries.

Ever get this feeling in your gut. I'm not talking instinctive or precog, but more like an emotional twisting gut wrenching feeling. I get that a lot when I hear old songs. Specially old songs that I kinda associated with different girls when I dated them. It makes me feel innocent again. Childlike, hopeful, no worries. Now its so sad.

1. Your parents will die.

2. You will lose contact with your bestfriends.

3. You will get something stolen from you.

4. You will get into a car accident.

5. 50% of us will acquire some form of cancer.

6. You will lose your job one way or another.

7. You will be cheated on.

8. You will have to pay taxes.

9. You will be billed/charged incorrectly for something (bank, cell phone, cable, electric, etc.)

10. You will either step on shit or get shitted on by a bird.

11. You will ruin something you just bought.

12. You will waste your money many times.

13. You will misplace something and get extremely upset searching for it.

14. You'll make a total fool of yourself.

15. You'll watch society become even more corrupted and retarded. (Jerry Springer -> Reality TV -> ?)

16. The opposite sex will drive you crazy to a point where you will be willing to kill.

17. Eventually someone will want to kill you.

18. Your computer won't work.

19. You will have car trouble at the worst time.

20. You'll take a shit and realize your out of tp.

21. You'll hate being alone.

22. You'll miss being alone.

23. You will get cut off by some asshole on the road.

24. You will meet people who absolutely positively piss the fuck out of you to a new level.

25. You will be tricked.

26. You will have regrets.

27. You will watch the bad guy get the good girl. (Or you'll be tricked by a guy who you thought was good - for all u blind bitches)

28. Your body will slowly decay and no matter how fly you once thought you were, you will become ugly.

Toni Toni Toni - That's All I Ask of You

The bitter frost of winter circling my neck sending chills down to my spine. Huddled into my poofy jacket. Walking in the dark back to the bus stop. The faint scent of aspen lingering on me.. Knowing it was the last time I'd walk down that block. It brought me no pain or joy. Rather, pride and perhaps ambition. Not fear but faith in myself to fight back to the top. Looking onto the mysterious future, whatever it may bring. Anxious...Inviting. I was always a glutton for punishment then. Perhaps even more so than now.

Years have past since that night. It's no longer that cold. Maybe because I'm too numb to notice. The future is still untold. It isn't predestined atleast not for those living through it. The journey has changed much from the original course. Life became dangerous and mean. I tried my best to fight it. Failed. Got back up, made the best of what I had. It no longer was a cartoon. It was war. The struggle became increasingly difficult. I grew strength to combat the forces. Unrelenting as they were I matched their stubborness. With every battle a new wound. Glory won but honor lost. Faith nearly shattered but not restored.

I dug in. Trenched up. Told myself not to give up. But to fight on my terms, it was my land after all. Built grand walls, but every wall has a crack, and like so they would shatter. I broke many times into many pieces. The pieces were collected. We moved on. Running for dear life. Trying everywhere to find it again. But it was never lost. Just disorganized.

We were on our own. We excluded ourselves from others. We made a grand complex to sustain our meager needs. Watching and observing. The time to strike is finally coming.

The game of cat and mouse resumes. Let's not run away from this one. But lets not stray to far. Hopefully we come back as I. Richard Perry was just another casualty of war. I'm not Richard Perry. We are Joe.